& in the morning.

. . . personal renewal sometimes results
from a good night's rest, even if that good rest was littered with many wakeful moments.

my father died.
may 31 at 1:35am.
at 1:57am i got the text
from one of my 431 sisters that he had passed...
waking the hubs we dressed and went on our way to the nursing home. in the car and in the still quiet
i whispered, "drive fast. safe but fast." he did and in doing so arrived the exact moment as my sister.
tearful embrace.
a somberness blanketed the car,
my father's room, our hearts.
dad's hands were still warm..
leaning in to rest on his shoulder i drew what strength
could be gathered and loved him in person one last time.
after his body was taken away we gathered his personal
effects and quietly took our leave..

my father relocated to the sacramento area after a terrible
fall that left him with great need for skilled nursing.
being that my location is middle-ground for all the sisters
to visit and spend precious time with dad, sacramento was ultimately agreed upon and i found a skilled nursing center that would meet his needs and proximity to my home. nick-named sherwood forest due to the immense trees surrounding the facility..
dad moved in july 2017.
and "moved out" may 2019.

october 1, 1929 * * * may 31, 2019

visiting 5-6 days a week resulted in restoring the years
the locusts had eaten. at age 8 my folks divorced and age 10 we (mom & us girlies) moved 2k miles away to california to begin a new life. for a very long time i didn't understand the why of it all .. age and maturity brought realization and clearer perception as to the untidy situation. our nearly daily visits weren't always pleasant .. partly due to my father's physical and health situation and partly due to a tendency toward him being a curmudgeon. ultimately i experienced that beneath that crusty exterior of this very old-world slavic man, breathed a cream puff sweetness. these nearly two years spent with my father brought a greater understanding of human frailty, forgiveness, mercy, and grace for the more difficult of days which became much  more frequent in recent months and certainly weeks ultimately resulting in days then moments of life in a very real and raw sense.

it was an honor to care for this man in what ways i was able, which brings to mind that God doesn't call the able - - He calls the willing and makes them able. i treasured time with my father and am humbled by God's goodness.


hold close those tender souls
placed in your lives..


a glimpse of my father .. so strong ..
so handsome .. so young. ♥
i love you, daddy ......................... ♥